Are you EMO today?Shin?Choose difficulty?Professor of Psychology of Tsinghua University to decipher

\"I emo\" (Note: EMO is a network term, the meaning of \"depression\") \"I don't want to do anything\" ... Your circle of friends can Have you seen such words? Do you have a moment of pessimism, frustration, and despair, especially at the moment, do you have a ups and downs?

For the improvement of happiness and let himself out of bad emotions, Peng Kaiping, dean of the School of Social Sciences and Professor of Psychology at Tsinghua University, has a professional \"solution \"Plan\", and he also has a lot of personal experience in this- \"Write things, write it with it, and write it as a god. When you open the window, the sky is almost bright. This is my blessing time. \"Peak experience\", \"A class is particularly smooth, and my classmates nodded with a smile, my heart was leading the gods, and I was talking about it, and I was in full swing.\" These experiences to enhance happiness have important reference value for every young man now-

Before asking why you can easily feel unhappy, you should understand This is likely to be the commonality of some contemporary young people. The problem of universal commonality can inevitably find the reason in society. Young people often hang behind the verbal \"emo\", which is the result of external social reasons and internal psychological reasons.

From a social perspective, we are in an era of rapid change. The increasingly fierce competitive environment; the widespread application of social media has led to conflict between mixed information and values. These external factors are on the level of personal psychology, manifested as a sense of competition, enhancement of uncertainty, and unclear goals.

The sense of competitiveness often makes people escape the urge, and then it is difficult to get along in the unwilling backward and abandoning splitting. At the same time, when the basic survival needs have been met, people will pay more attention to the sense of belonging, love and respect, and self -realization. In addition, the epidemic has exacerbated uncertainty, making many young people feel that their actions and life lack a sense of meaning.

Rebate ourselves with those high light moments that make yourself proud Our awareness of ourselves often comes from \"mirror\" - This often includes social comparison and evaluation of people around. The deviation of self -awareness is very common among outstanding students. Many students arrived at university and found that they were not good at learning, not the most versatile, nor the most \"flattering\". This \"mirror self -shattering\" can make people feel crisis.

However, can only be reborn if it is broken. In the past, self -discovery and self -knowledge were re -discovered by \"cultivating positive self\".

The first way to cultivate a positive self is to discover your own advantages and see what kind of person \"I\" is. For students, the advantages of \"I\" may be based on academic performance, but now, \"I\" may need to discover other advantages.

Please think about what to do for yourself, especially happy and smooth. This may be your advantage, may Use these advantages to fight against those low -time moments, and redefine themselves with those highlights that make themselves proud.

The second way to cultivate positive self is to see \"what I have.\" In addition to intelligence, \"I\" also has a lot of social capital -re -examining the relationship between themselves and the people around them. Parents 'care, friends' care, and help of teachers and classmates can bring extensive social support and confidence in the time when walking forward. Essence

The third way is to see what I can do. The well -known psychologist Ban Dura put forward the concept of \"self -efficacy\" in the 1970s, that is, we are judging whether we have the ability to complete one thing.

Cultivate \"self -efficacy\", first, to accumulate successful experience, including the improvement of academic improvement, internship or social work, display of interests and hobbies, etc. Efforts to fight and defeat the current challenge setbacks, including diverting attention to do other better things.

The loneliness of physics does not necessarily mean psychological loneliness \"Social terror\", which is a description of many young people. But more often, it does not really point to the spiritual social anxiety disorder, but to describe itself in a state of confidence in in a strange environment or in contact with strangers. Compared with the lively gatherings, some young people are more willing to entertain themselves in a comfortable environment and send them loneliness.

First of all, we need to make it clear that the physical loneliness and psychological sense are two very different concepts. It is not equivalent to \"social fear\" consciously.

If you enjoy the solidity and can get peaceful joy in the independence, then it is indispensable alone. Perhaps it can also become a moment of inspiration for some high -sensitive people.

The psychological loneliness means that even if you are between the crowd and the downtown, you also feel that it is incompatible with the surroundings. This is the true loneliness.

Most people's \"community fear\" is more shy. The psychology behind it may be that they are afraid of going out in front of people and being criticized by criticism. Communication and even eager to establish contact with others.

There are several tips for overcoming \"Social Fear\": · Learn to control from breathing control.Emotional, nervous, and fearful emotions

Learn to breathe. In the state of tension, the secretion of adrenaline will make you tremble unconsciously. At this time, slowly take a deep breath to make the breathing calm and deep, and it will have a certain soothing effect.

Touching and patting your breasts or belly, a bit like the old man said that the \"smooth\" action can be suppressed to a certain extent.

· Be prepared, cooked together

Many students are afraid of speaking in public, then make full preparations in advance, repeatedly practice the content of the speech, and may occur. Real the situation to make you feel at the bottom.

If you do n’t know how to talk to people, you can understand the other party ’s situation as much as possible. You can also list some topics that can be talked in advance and practice more to relieve the nervousness and embarrassment during the meeting.

· Create some successful experience

Speaking in front of unfamiliar people may be easy to be nervous, then starting from familiar people, from roommates, friends, and willingness to willingly The person who listened to you started, slowly used to speaking with audiences and repeatedly practicing.

There is the correct view of friendship and the concept of success or failure

Many people's understanding of friendship, in fact, still stays in the early childhood understanding, also It is the first element of friendship -happiness. In childhood, we had no complex social contractual relationships and responsibilities with our friends, and we became friends with happiness. As everyone embarks on their own different ways of life, the happiness that friends feel directly encountered challenges. The factors that originally maintained friendship became unsustainable.

But in fact, there are two other very important factors for the psychological mechanism formed by friendship -mutual benefit and support.

Mutual benefit is the mutual help between friends. Long -term support is a more important value for our friends to us.

Even \"friends\", as long as their starting point is to want you to become better, they are trying to support you and fulfill you in their own way.

These two points can only be realized after people's psychological maturity. As we grow older, we are not less friends, but the nature of friends has changed. In this case, we should also try to change the perspective instead of always holding the understanding and expectations of friendship in childhood.

At the same time, you have to learn to face failure correctly. We often feel that too many choices are easy to be anxious and tangled. This is actually a human cognitive characteristics, called \"choice paradox\". Human experience and cognitive ability are limited. We cannot fully grasp all information and make the best choice, so people goI feel unsure.

However, humans have the tendency of \"first satisfaction\". When we encounter a satisfactory choice, we often accept it instead of waiting for the next better opportunity. For example, in terms of mate, people often tend to be the first satisfactory choice.

But when we face multiple choices at the same time, the tendency engraved in DNA does not work. We must evaluate all opportunities, which will make us confused.

So what can we do when we don't know how to choose?

· In response to the principle of first satisfaction.

Dao Fa is natural, and it is a wise choice to conform to nature.

· Learn the second priority rule.

Pursuing the optimal choice, but if you do not get the best, the second excellence is also a good choice. After all, there are many factors in life that we cannot control.

Yue Na failed.

Many people cannot make a deep -seated reason for being afraid of failure and cannot accept the \"consequences of choosing wrong.\" In fact, many possibilities have rejected. Failure is the same as successful as success. After all, the biggest regret in life is not to try to fail, but because they can not try and fight.

In fact, success is not the norm of life, and it is not tough. Learn to coexist with failure to run away from the marathon.

Learn to say \"No\"

In our interaction with this world, refusing to refuse is an important living ability. Many times we refuse others and will habitually find some external reasons. Once this external reason is found to be false, then the other party's internal blow is also very large. If you can't find a good excuse, it is important to tell the truth.

It is really difficult to refuse. You can express it by sending WeChat, writing letters, and finding classmates and friends to convey other ways. These can relatively reduce the pressure when rejection.

In the rejection, we always think about how to face each other, but often ignore ourselves.

We may be able to try:

· Frank sincere sincerely to ourselves

We must love ourselves, many of us are given people, willing to help others, willing to help others Essence But we still have to be conscious of ourselves and learn to protect our energy.

· Awareness of our limitations

We are not universal, and the boundary of our ability can make us not promise too much.

· Outstanding Sequence

It is important to judge what things are and what are not important. This is a rational analysis originalIn the same way, there must be a general standard in your heart.

· With the help of social resources

, while rejecting others, if you can give him a suggestion, it can relatively reduce our psychological pressure and burden. There are many professions in today's society that can specialize in solving problems. Professionals will largely do better than us, so they can also give this matter to more professional people while rejecting others.

At the same time, it is necessary to reject the expectations of others appropriately. The pressure of part of our lives comes from the expectations of others. When we have the ability to realize this expectation, it can spur our progress.

However, we can not always achieve these expectations. When we are in invisible tension and pressure, there are two ways to help us out of trouble. The first is to reduce expectations. Communicate with the other party frankly \"I'm not such a person\" and \"I may not do this\", so that the other party has psychological expectations and accepts \"I tried it hard but may still not get the result you want.\" The second is pressure control. If the previous method does not work, we will adjust ourselves. Regulate emotions by breathing, mindfulness, meditation and other methods, or to relieve stress through exercise and finding interesting things, organize a good mood and start.

What is happiness? For us, it may be a cup of milk tea that I drink today, the seductive food, and the beautiful scenery. But after such a brief joy, it gradually feels empty and cannot find a sense of meaning. The emergence of this phenomenon stems from us to confuse the concept of happiness and happiness.

Happiness is meaningful and happy. English and many other languages \u200b\u200bhave confused happiness and happiness. For example, happiness and happiness in English can be called Happy. In fact, Chinese culture has a deep understanding of human nature. The dual meaning of happiness contains this wisdom: one is happiness, and the other is the happiness that adds meaning, which is happiness.

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Three prerequisites to produce happiness

] ● Long -term interference to suppress negative emotions

It is normal to encounter negative emotions, there are always some setbacks, blows, and loss in life. Impact.

Exercise, meditation, learning methods such as breathing, writing, talk, and other methods can inhibit our negative emotions.

● A positive emotional experience

Positive emotional experience requires some secretion of neurochemical substances. When we can mobilize the secretion of these hormones, we can produce positive positive Emotions.

Dopamine makes us desire, when we want to do one thingAt the time, we will do it actively, and we will feel happy because of dopamine.

Endorphin is an pain reduction hormone after exercise, dancing, running, and playing. The secretion of endorphins makes us happy.

serotonin is a hormone that excites the mood. When we are doing what we are good at, what we have advantages, and what we have contributed to the society to others, we will be very happy, this is because of the secretion of serotonin.

Oxytocin is a hormone that allows us to have a feeling of love. It helps and fulfills others, family, friends, and pets. Essence

● Do a meaningful thing

There are methods to suppress negative emotions, and there is also a way to produce positive emotions. What is more difficult is the sense of meaning. How does meaning produce?

Do what you like to do, do well, and what you want to do. It feels particularly meaningful, excited, and sacred, and it is easy to produce.

Doing high social praise. What the country needs and the people needs, and some needs beyond self -need, the sense of significance will be stronger.

Do things that can generate social connections. Part of the sense of meaning comes from social connection and social support. The establishment, Liye, and merits proposed by traditional Chinese culture are also very important cultural sources that can easily make us meaningful.

The meaning of each person is not the same, the key is how to discover it.

In \"Sisyver's Mythology\", Alberta Camus described the gods to punish Sisier, so that he kept pushing a piece of rock to the top of the mountain, and the stone rolled down again and again due to his own weight. From the perspective of others, this is a absurd and meaningless thing. Kerizus said that Sisifer actually discovered the meaning, when did you discover it? It was this stone rolling back. When he decided to push again, the action itself was meaning.

The last significance is action, and to some extent, it is \"doing things\".

When many people do one thing, they always feel that they must deliberately find a reason to give it meaning, but in fact, he did not realize that the process of doing this in itself has meaning.

Many cute and ordinary people have no particularly outstanding achievements and no particularly rich life in their lives, but he still feels that life is meaningful. Why? Because he really lived in this life. When you give up this speculation and start to decide to live, it gives it meaning. We are just the last step.

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Author: Peng Kaiping (the author is the dean of the School of Social Sciences of Tsinghua University, professor of psychology)

Editor: Jiang Peng

Editor in charge: Jiang Peng

PicturesSource: official website of Tsinghua University

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*Wenhui exclusive manuscript, please indicate the source.

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