Look at each child in a complete and unique look
Author:Look at the think tank Time:2022.08.28
The school has entered the countdown. Soon, the children are going to invest in a tense learning atmosphere. In fact, many children will have some unsuitable situations and even psychological problems at the beginning of the new semester.
Generally speaking, children's psychological problems may come from parents, families, or classmates, schools. Some children are because of poor academic performance, some are because the relationship between classmates is not handled well, and even some younger children are because the school's food is not good, and so on. There are also some children with outstanding academic performance, often putting more pressure on themselves, hoping that they will become the best, so that anxiety will appear.
Parents must first give their children confidence and provide a relatively easy environment. We must patiently inquire and listen to the pain and difficulties of the child's complaints, express sincerity and understanding of the child, and repeatedly conduct and encourage them.
From a psychological point of view, the education of children and adults can be attributed to self -cognition and self -guidance, but it is slightly different: For adult education, guidance is only the basic means, but the child has not yet developed maturity, so it has not yet developed, so it has not yet developed. It is important to guide.
So, how do you think and guide your children correctly?
Author | Alfred Adler
Edit | Pu Haiyan Watch Think Tank
This article is a look at the viewing think tank book, which is excerpted from "Education of Children" (published in July 2022). The original title was "Full and Uniquely Looking at each Child".
1
Personality unity stimulation and guidance of personal behavior
As an adult, it is difficult for us to understand the psychological state of our own emotional ups and downs, love, hate, and evil. For children, even if they have relevant professional knowledge, it is difficult to understand and guide them.
Figure ｜ Figure insect creativity
Individual psychology (Individual Psychology) pays special attention to children's psychological related issues. Different from other psychological systems, individual psychology closely combines theory and practice. It emphasizes the unity of personality, researchs the development dynamics and changes in the form of expression.
Individual psychology is a scientific knowledge. It is based on the experience of errors and failures. It is the wisdom of practice. Whether it is psychologists, parents, friends, or individual itself, as long as you master the content of individual psychology, you can perform practical applications and give guidance to related individuals.
Individual psychology believes that the unity of personality stimulates and guides personal behavior, and human behavior also reflects such a relationship with its psychological activities. The persistent pursuit of inner goals is a basic phenomenon in the development of human beings.
Starting from the infantile period, the children have inadvertently formed their life goals. They grow up towards this goal and pursue great, perfect, and superiority. The behavior of formulating goals and struggle for this reflects our unique thinking and imagination as humans. This goal is our guide to life, guiding our behavior, and even determining our way of thinking. We think about the established goals and lifestyle rather than objectively thinking.
Personality is uniform. The behavior of each individual reflects both personality and is constrained and shaped by personality. If you compare the individual personality to a painting, then we are the creators of this painting. We are an artist who shaped our own personality. The artist is not flawless, and it is difficult to understand his heart and body. He is like an ordinary person, with weaknesses and making mistakes.
It is necessary to know that when the individual is constructing its own personality is limited, the individual will not build a unified personality based on objective facts, but rely on the subjective understanding of life. Therefore, individual personality has a unique style and goal.
Human understanding of a phenomenon or event does not objectively reflect the phenomenon or the event itself. Because of this, human individuals living in the same world will be very different.
We live in this world and have various views on things around us. Some of these views are right and wrong, but they are all the basis for us to shape themselves. In the process of growing up, human individuals will inevitably make mistakes and failure. We need to carefully handle the episodes of these lives, especially the early childhood cognitive bias, because they will affect adult life.
Taking a patient's childhood experience as an example, the patient is a 52 -year -old woman who likes to vilify women who are older than their own. She has lived under the light of her sister since she was a child. She couldn't get everyone's concern, and she always felt very inferior.
If we use the "vertical" theory in individual psychology to look at this case, we will find that women have the same psychological mechanism and motivation from their childhood to life: she is always afraid of being contempt, and she will be caused by itself, and she will also be caused by itself, and she will cause it for because Others are angry and irritable by preferential treatment or preference.
Even if I do not understand the patient's other aspects of life and do not understand the unity of her own personality, we can use psychological knowledge to connect her childhood experience with adult performance.
At this time, psychologists are like a novelist. He needs to build novel characters based on a specific action, lifestyle or behavioral pattern, and retain the unity of the character's own personality. An excellent psychologist can not only predict the patient's behavior in a specific situation, but also clearly describes the characteristics of action, lifestyle, or behavioral patterns under her unique personality.
2
A sense of inferiority is a double -edged sword
There is another important factor in human psychological activities, which is inferiority.
Figure ｜ Figure insect creativity
Under the catalysis of inferiority, behaviors seeking development and setting goals have participated in the construction of individual personality. Children's sense of inferiority is inherent. Infuters will stimulate their imagination. By improving the situation of the situation, they can gradually relieve or eliminate the psychological state of inferiority. This is the theory of compensation in psychology.
The possibility of inferiority and psychological compensation mechanism has greater the possibility of making mistakes. The sense of inferiority is a double -edged sword. It helps us to achieve our personal goals, and also allows us to make psychological adjustments to ourselves, which will lead to the expansion of the gap between feelings and objective reality. In the case of a serious sense of inferiority, only through the development of psychological compensation mechanisms can it be overcome. Even if we fail to change the state of inferiority in the end, this is also an inevitable experience in our psychological development process.
Assuming that there are three groups of children, they clearly show compensation features. The first group of children suffered from congenital disability; the second group of children grew up in the environment of lack of love; the third group of children grew up in a doting environment.
The above three groups represent the three basic situations of the problem children. Through comparative and analysis, we can understand the development of children in a relatively normal state.
The situation of children's congenital disability is not common, but what we did not expect was that most children showed similar psychological characteristics to children with congenital disabled to varying degrees. Children who are lacking in love and drowning environment also have similar psychological characteristics.
In these three cases, children growing up will have a sense of deficiency and inferiority. As compensation, they will produce a strong ambition that transcends ordinary people. The sense of inferiority and the pursuit of superiority are always accompanied by the same rhythm. The two are two psychological feelings produced under the same basic phenomenon. Therefore, when there is a problem with a psychological state, it is difficult to judge whether it is serious or madly pursuing the harm of superiority.
In the case, we found that excessive inferiority will allow children to set a paranoid goal for themselves. This behavior will poison his soul and keep him from being satisfied.
This is not good for children because it is driven by abnormal ambitions. This ambition is like being forcibly stuffed into a character characteristic and personal style. It is like a warner that exists at any time, and the individual becomes extremely sensitive, and is always vigilant, fearing that he will be hurt or surpassed.
There are many cases about children's over -inferiority in individual psychology.
People who have been in this mental state for a long time will be nervous and even strange. When developing to extreme state, they will become self -centered, irresponsible, and even embark on the road of crime. Whether it is a moral or psychological level, they are all egoists.
We also found that some of them would choose to escape reality and objective facts and build a new world for themselves. These people built their inner peace by day dreams and unrealistic fantasy. They fictional real worlds in their minds to balance reality and imagination.
3
Substation at school is a dangerous signal
How can we judge whether the child has a psychological state of excessive inferiority?
Psychologists and parents should pay attention to observing the social emotional level of children or individuals.
Social emotions are the decisive factor in the normal growth process of children and the standard for judging the normal growth of children. Any behavior to reduce social emotions or collective emotions will have a serious impact on the psychological growth of children. Focusing on the principles of social emotions, individual psychology has formed a corresponding educational method.
As parents or guardians, we should not let our children depend on someone, otherwise, in the past, it will be difficult to adapt to future life.
Campus life is one of the earliest tests for children to face. By observing the adaptation of children when they first entered campus life, we can judge their social emotional level. For them, schools are a new environment. Therefore, campus life, especially the situation of getting along with teachers and classmates, truly reflects the child's adaptation to the new environment.
How to make children prepare before entering school, people have less research on this issue. Therefore, when most people remember their first enrollment, it feels like a nightmare. However, if we give the child the correct guidance in the opening of the school life, then the school life can make up for the shortcomings of children in the infantile period.
The school in the ideal state should be a coordinator between the family and the real world. It must not only teach the children's theoretical knowledge, but also guide them to practice and teach them the art of life.
At present, the school has not yet reached an ideal state. On the issue of helping children overcome the defects caused by parental education, the school still has a lot of room for improvement. Therefore, we also need to start from the family to find out the problems existing in education. The role of the school is limited, but it can just reflect the problems of family education.
If children have not received education in interpersonal communication during infants and young children, they are likely to feel lonely when they enter school. They will be isolated by their classmates and are considered weird. With their growth, the problem will become more and more serious, and even affect their normal growth. They gradually become problematic children. In this case, people are often attributed to school education, and the fact is that family education has problems. As a result, the child's personality has potential defects. When they start school life, these defects gradually appear.
Whether a child with a problem of behavior can make progress in the school and is an open issue in individual psychology. However, we can be sure that it is a dangerous signal that children suffer in school. This signal does not refer to the failure of the academic studies, but it indicates that the child's mental health has a problem. It means that the child began to lose confidence in himself.
When some people suffer setbacks in their childhood, they will bypass normal ways and tasks, and instead seek to get a way to get rid of and do not work. They gave up the conventional road recognized by the society and chose a small road. On this path, they can compensate their sense of inferiority by gaining a sense of superiority. Like most people who have been settled, he will choose to make himself quickly psychologically gain a sense of accomplishment.
Compared with social norms, ignoring social responsibility, moral responsibility, and violation of laws, it is more likely to make a person stand above others and experience the feeling of winners. This choice shortcut to obtain superiority reflects the weakness and incompetence of the heart, no matter how brave looks on the surface. This type of person will choose to do something only when he is determined to be successful, just to show his sense of superiority.
4
The psychological disease hidden behind the behavior
We can capture various signs in the behavior of children, which tells us that the observer has personality defects.
We often see that some children always stand upright and want to find objects to rely on (adults will also have the same behavior). When we are training such children, we are always anxious to "right medicine" and do not seriously think about the psychological factors hidden behind these behaviors.
Some people often say to such children: "Stand straight, don't always rely on things." In fact, in this case, our attention should not be that he always wants to rely on the external performance of what objects, but The existence of existence in his heart. We can change his behavior by punishment or reward, but the excessive dependence of his inner existence cannot disappear. This sense of dependence will always be accompanied by him.
Excellent educators can understand the information passed by these behaviors, and can feel the same, cure the psychological disease hidden behind the behavior with their sympathy. According to the performance of a child, we can summarize a variety of personality characteristics.
For example, when the child stands, we always want to rely on what object. Comparing his situation with past cases, and then re -constructing the personality of this type of child, we can see that this is a loving child.
Now let's look at the personality characteristics of another group of children who grow up in a lack of love. When studying the personality characteristics of such children, we can refer to the cases of the anti -social group.
In the archives of this group, one thing in common is that they were abused to varying degrees in childhood. Therefore, in the process of growth, they formed a cold, jealousy and hatred personality, and could not bear the happiness of others.
The jealousy personality not only exists among criminals, but ordinary people who seem to have jealousy may also have jealousy personality. This type of person is not allowed to be happier than his childhood when he cares for children. Not only do some parents have such attitudes, they even have other guardians who are responsible for taking care of their children.
In fact, their jealousy is not malicious, but the mentality of abuse children naturally revealed after adulthood. From the case of jealousy personality, we can summarize many "well -known words" accompanied by their growth, such as "children can't be aware".
We have countless evidence and instances to prove that this idea is wrong, because rigid and autocratic education methods do not have any effect, but only the distance between educators and children.
Psychologists can study different symptoms, find the connection between symptoms, and then establish a system. This system helps us find the inner psychological process. Every aspect of psychology reflects personality. Only when we discover the same characteristics in all aspects, research is considered success.
Therefore, individual psychology is not only scientific knowledge, but also an art. We cannot apply the concept system, rigid, and mechanized to individuals. Individuals are the core of research. They cannot conclude the final conclusion through one or two performances of the individual. We need to find out all potential performances that can support assumptions.
For example, before confirming the pre -assumption, we need to find the same stubborn and pessimistic characteristics in all aspects of individual behavior to determine his stubborn and pessimistic personality.
It should be noted that individuals do not understand their behavior, so they cannot hide their true self. A person's self -evaluation and the attitude towards yourself cannot help us accurately interpret his personality. What we need to do is to understand this person's behavior and explain to these behaviors in combination with his own situation. Although patients do not intend to lie, we should still know that there is a huge gap between their conscious thinking and unconscious motivation, and the best candidate to reduce this gap is objective and compassionate bystanders. Regardless of whether the onlooker is a psychologist, a parent, or a teacher, it should be interpreted on an objective fact. It can be found that people's unintentional behavior also has a purpose.
5
Use socialization to measure growth
There are three basic problems in human individuals and social life, and the individual's attitude towards these three basic problems reflects his true self.
The first basic problem is social relations.
Social relations can be reflected in specific tasks, such as making friends and getting friendly with others. How to deal with this problem? What is his answer?
If a person thinks that friends and social relations have nothing to do with him, he does not need to solve these social problems, then "don't care" is his answer. Through his answer, we can summarize the person's personality direction and structure.
In addition, we need to note that social relations are not limited to making friends and meeting with others. It also involves abstract concepts such as friendship, cooperation, sincerity, and loyalty. These are all understanding of social relations.
The second basic question is how to live life.
Specifically, it is what role we want to take on social division of labor. If this social problem is determined by multiple individuals and the relationship between me and you, then it can be regarded as the basic relationship between humans and the earth. We can regard all human beings as a whole, and this whole is established with the earth. What do humans want to get from the earth?
Like the first question, the second question is that the answer to professional questions is not unilateral. It is not a personal problem, but is about the relationship between people and the earth, and people cannot solve it completely by themselves. Success is not determined by personal will, but is related to objective reality. Therefore, the individual's answer to professional questions, as well as his way of thinking, shows his personality and attitude towards life to varying degrees.
The third basic problem comes from the fact that humans are divided into sex.
The answer to this question is also not subjective, nor does it belong to the personal category. It needs to find the answer according to the objective logic of the relationship. "What is my opinion on the opposite sex?" Most people are not completely correct about this issue. Only after considering all issues related to gender, we can get the correct answer.
Love and marriage problems need to be solved in the right way. Any way to deviate means that there are defects in personality. Inappropriately dealing with love and marriage issues can cause various adverse consequences. We can interpret these adverse consequences according to the potential personality defects of individuals.
According to the answers to the above three basic questions, you can determine the individual lifestyle and specific goals. This goal is of great significance to people, and the goal determines a lifestyle's lifestyle, and all his actions will also reflect this goal.
For example, a person's goal is to become a researcher. This goal has practical significance in life, so the way this person solves all problems will reflect this goal to varying degrees.
When all the solutions have a constructive effect, he will feel very happy, thinking that he is valuable and capable. These feelings come from meaningful and constructive activities. When the goal is negative, it can only reflect the personal interests, and when there is no practical significance in life, he will find that he cannot even solve the basic problems. He will also be unhappy because he can't find a suitable solution.
The above three basic issues are interconnected. In social life, these basic problems may cause different specific tasks, and these tasks can only be achieved in social or public environment, that is, it is realized on the basis of social emotions.
The first task appears in the early childhood. With the stimulus of social life, the children's senses will gradually develop. In the process of seeing, speaking, and listening to children, and in the process of associated with brothers and sisters, parents, relatives, colleagues, friends, and teachers, various tasks will also be generated. These tasks are always generated in interaction with others or society, so people who avoid social networking are confused.
Individual psychology adheres to the "correct" that is good for social development. It is incorrect to meet social standards, and they violate laws and regulations and objective reality.
For the wrong actor, the error behavior will make him worthless; for the suffered by the error behavior, if they retaliate, they will have a stronger sense of worthlessness. Violations of social standards will destroy the inherent social ideals in their hearts. This kind of social ideal is conscious or unconscious, and it exists deep in the heart.
Individual psychology emphasizes that children's socialization should measure their growth, so as to better understand and evaluate children's lifestyle. By observing children's life problems, we can see if they have made "correct" preparation, that is, whether they have social emotions, such as whether they have courage, whether they have the ability to understand others, and whether they have positive goals.
Uncle Ku Welfare
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