I understand the internal injury: People, learn to complain

Ask everyone a question first:

How long have you not complained?

At first glance, this problem is a bit strange.

Isn't it usually advocating "to solve the problem in the event of trouble, don't always complain, be a person with positive energy"?

Why did you ask "how long hasn't complained" in turn?

Because, I often encounter such a type of person in consultation:

While forcing myself not to complain, I can't control complaints while being deeply controlled;

Continuously forced yourself not to complain, eventually leading to depression, not interested in anything ...

In other words, more and more people have lost "freedom of complaints."

What is the freedom of complaints?

Let's see how they complain about it--

Wang Xiaobo: Why do I think about these farts, this shouldn't be my business at all.

Lao She: I am like this now. I do things all day and night, all I do n’t like to do.

If you find no, even these people who have a deep understanding of their lives will inevitably complain in daily life.

Back to reality, when many people communicate, they always get used to labeling "positive energy" or "negative energy" to emotions.

Even if it was unpleasant, I dared not vent their negative emotions.

And if you really want to maintain good mental health, the focus is not that you do not complain blindly, but to learn to complain correctly.

Someone will definitely ask: Isn't it bad to complain?

The answer is: not all.

Complaining of course, there is a bad place.

But no matter how bad it is, it must be better than "obvious resentment, but it is hard to say". "

My visitor Xiao D is a housewife who usually takes children at home with a full -time child. It is particularly hard.

But her husband and mother -in -law rarely met her, making her heart full of dissatisfaction.

However, as long as the little D complains a few words, the husband and mother -in -law will say, "You don't need to go to work, what are you complaining? Look at the daughter -in -law of other people's family, housework, and baby to do it!"

In addition, she often sees some chicken soup points:

The more complaints, the more unfortunate people will be;

Complaining, it will only make people around you want to stay away from you.

Picture source: panorama vision

This made Xiao D very anxious, and she vowed to change the odor of complaints.

Like the vast majority, the method of small D is very simple, that is, tolerable.

But people's hearts are like a spring, which can be pressed with brute force for a while, but it will inevitably rebound even more.

Therefore, after a few days of forgiveness, the emotions will suddenly collapse, and even more intense words:

"Can't do it at all, are you all waste? I am doing housework, I am your subordinates?"

When the family listened, it was often either quarreled with her or alienated her directly.

And this further deepen Xiao D's concept of "complaining is the source of unfortunate".

Therefore, she complained that she seemed to have a deep hatred and hate, and she couldn't wait to "tear" this habit from herself.

The consequences of this are:

The damage caused by this hostile state is far greater than the harm of complaining itself.

On the one hand, Xiao D hates himself who can't help complaining, and his words become less and less;

But on the other hand, I thought that I could speak less wrongly, but the result brought deeper depression, and the next stronger emotional eruption.

In the long run, it will not only hurt people, but also destroy the relationship.

What if you keep enduring?

It will likely lead to a more serious consequences: internal injuries (depression).

Depression is also a kind of "difficult to express".

The more you do n’t accept complaints, the more sad you will be in your body.

Over time, the mood could not be flowing, and people became energetic.

What are the benefits of complaints?

In life, it is not difficult to find:

Some people with long -term depression of emotions, when complaining, seemed to "live" and became particularly vigorous.

This is because, through complaints, the depressed emotions are flowing, and people recover vitality.

for example.

A friend of my psychological teacher, in order to reduce pressure on the third grade students, specially planned a "complaint" psychological class. The theme was:

How easy is it to be a third grade student?

After hearing this topic, the students exploded and started to complain endlessly ——

Teacher, I am too difficult to do so many homework every day. Parents also try to add exercises to me;

I said that I was tired of school, and they were educated for more than an hour, but didn’t they shout every day to work and do n’t want to work;

Adults always say that we are blessed in blessings, but if we are so happy, how can they have a headache when they look at my homework ...

After listening, the teacher did not rush to respond, but threw another question:

Since it is so difficult, how do you stand up to this day?

In this regard, the children changed their anger before, and they began to proudly share their answers-

I think adults are very ignorant, I can only rely on me to understand them;

Although the pressure is very strong, the classmates will still move together to relax together;

Seeing that the classmates around me were still insisting, I gritted my teeth and persisted ...

From the complaint of children, we can find:

Many parents often judge their psychological fragile after hearing their complaints and not allow them to complain.

However, such a response will not make children feel better at all, but make them dare to resent.

On the contrary, such a "complaint class" let us see the positive power of complaints:

Through complaints, the child not only vented the pressure, but also saw the part of his own power--

Being able to take care of learning tasks, even "general knowledge" with adults, and can also try to create fun in busy learning gaps.

As a minor, when facing the busy learning, the incomprehension of parents, and the high pressure of competition, they can still persist, which is not easy in itself.

Picture source: panorama vision

This is like the two sides of the coin:

On the one hand is a bad reality that keeps children constantly complaining;

On the one hand, they can continue to face difficulties.

At the end of the classroom, objective difficulties have not changed substantially, but it is enough to make everyone more calmly face learning challenges.

Even if the child complains again next time, it is no longer simply complaining, but after complaining after complaining:

We are also very powerful. Such a high -pressure study can be carried!

Because when a person complains, what really wants is that it is not easy for others to see themselves.

And when a person is not easy to be seen, he can face life in a better attitude.

Seeing this, some people may ask:

Since complaints are good, but in reality, why are there many examples of complaining that have bad consequences?

This is because many people have some misunderstandings when they are complaining.

Misunderstanding 1: It's wrong to others.

That is: one thing is uncomfortable, but when he is complaining, he is not complaining about the matter itself, but the parties to attack the incident.

Suppose a scene:

The child did homework on weekends. The mother taught the child several times, and it was always a small difference, which was a waste of mother's time.

At this time, the mother began to be impatient and kept complaining that the child was too stupid.

The child listened, and in turn complained that her mother had a bad temper, she was a bad mother.

The consequences of this are:

The homework cannot be done, and the relationship between the mother and daughter is worse.

In this regard, our solution can be: wrong.

for example--

Mom: I used the counseling for the morning and did not complete it. I had an appointment with Aunt Li to go out for lunch at noon. Now I was delayed. I am so irritable!

Daughter: As long as I write homework quietly by myself, my mother's urging sounds have always come to my ear, and I am still reprimanded from time to time. I am so angry.

In this way, the two not only found the room for dialogue, but also eased the relationship.

Misunderstanding 2: Responsibility transfer.

That is: complain as a means of shirk responsibility.

The purpose of some people complains is not to vent or relieve emotions, but to transfer responsibilities.

Because he found that by complaining, someone would always stand up to solve the problem for him.

for example--

As soon as the wife complained that the work was difficult, the husband directly helped her finish the work;

When the child complained that the housework was tired, the grandparents immediately snatched the housework.

The consequences of this are:

Complaints can not get growth by complaining to shirk responsibility;

The undertakers always help the other party to take responsibility and misery.

In the long run, the two have fallen into a vicious cycle, and the relationship has become unhealthy.

Picture source: panorama vision

In this regard, our solution can be: just venting at the emotional level, and we still face our own affairs.

Share an experience of my own.

A few years ago, I was inspired by the boom of the "exaggerated group" at the time. I formed a "scolding group", and the group only talked about my unhappy things.

In other words, this is a space that fully allows negative emotions.

When this group was established, everyone kept complaining, eager to solve problems for themselves.

However, according to group regulations, the group cannot help cross -border assistance.

Therefore, after venting and emotional flow, the complaint began to calm down to solve the problem by himself.

Therefore, such complaints are a virtuous circle in terms of complaints:

After pouring bitter water, stop, and then face reality calmly, at the same time, there are a lot of resentment.

In fact, many people dare not complain because they are afraid that they will become a full of resentment.

But if we can complain correctly, there is a time to stop.

In addition, we can gradually gain a sense of control and steadily optimize complaints.

In life, some intention to "eliminate" complaints, but eventually ended in failure;

Some people were indulged in the trap of complaints, so they were self -defeating and could not extricate themselves.

No matter which one, it will cause great damage to the relationship.

In fact, complaints are not to be destroyed, nor are they to be condoned, but to grow.

Allow complaints, allow it to flow, and learn to treat it in a correct way.

Slowly we will find:

It is not an obstacle on our growth road;

Instead, in difficulties, it is a signal reminding us to optimize the way of doing things.

Looking back at Wang Xiaobo and Lao She's complaints, these discouraged words will not hinder them to achieve their achievements.

People are like a balloon--

In a depressed environment, allow you to discourage yourself in a timely manner;

When you are ready, cheer yourself in a timely manner.

In this way, we can ensure that our hearts are tough.

Pay attention to "readers" and encourage friends.

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