I admit that I can't tell "I love dad"

Every time I see my daughter is a little lover in my father's life, I want to turn her eyes. Please, let's take the role of father as a role in this life.

It is probably because of rarely a great father and daughter in real life, or it is hurting: I will never find a man like my dad, or it is absent: I don't know what father's love feels.

As the first opposite sex in life, his father did have a great impact on his daughter. For my daughter, an unconscious conclusion is that if my father treats me kindly, I am a worthy individual; if my father refuses or criticize me, I am not good and not worthy of others.

But what else can we do if my father is really not satisfactory?

Today, June 19th is Father's Day. We invited a few (female) editors to talk about the story of their father's or reconciliation, or continue to struggle, let's take a look ~

It's not that he doesn't love, it is that he can only give so much love

I hate you, my father.

The first expression of his father's hatred is in the diary of elementary school. Somehow, the father saw the diary. On the wine bureau with a friend, his father flashed with tears in his eyes and said it. At that time, I watched next to me, apologizing, and some relieved.

Where does the hatred of my father come from? In fact, he hasn't done anything hurting, but that is, I can't feel his love.

My father was indifferent and didn't like to talk. Occasionally, he lost his temper. From my memo, I haven't had any intimate contact with my father. Hugging and holding high is a sensitive and innocent little girl's greatest desire for his father -he couldn't get it, so he turned to anger.

Another reason is the sister. After my sister was born, I became very crisis. I was worried that this girl who was more beautiful than me would take away the love of her parents, especially my father. I have evidence. For example, my father often asked my sister to scratch him back -I was very jealous. In my little, this is how my father expresses love.

After exposing the influence of psychology and understanding the native family, I was even more certain. Many problems found the cause. I buckled myself with a hat that my father's love was missing and the relationship with my father was more alienated.

Later, I saw it in a book: Do you know your parents? We often blame our parents to be unqualified, but ignore that they have also experienced trauma.

Regarding the early experience of my father, I only knew that Grandpa died when he was very young, and he knew very little, so he asked his mother. I learned that Grandpa had been sick and sick for many years before his death. He was irritable and often throwing things. The atmosphere at home was very nervous. Thinking of all the young father's afford, some places in my heart were loosened. The father who grew up in such an environment is no wonder that it is today's personality. He requires him to express emotions, tenderness, and physical fit. Not.

This is the beginning. After trying to understand more about my father, I learned to look at the problems with my parents from another perspective, and gradually relieved those complaints and grievances.

I think he has loved me as much as possible. Where I ca n’t do it, I will do it by growing up. After all, I am not the little girl who stares at her father in my eyes now. She has power.

Picture source: "Sun is a Good Sun"

very nice! Finally, I can start hate my dad

I have a worship from my dad since I was a child. He is the highest degree in our family, the best cooking, and he will take me to climb mountains, swim, and make specimens ...

Once when I was particularly happy to share my father's affairs with my colleagues, he asked me a question: What about your mother? I have never heard you mention your mother.

At that time, my thoughts were, my mother ... nothing to say, she wouldn't cook, very nobble, and even a little unsatisfactory. The two of them are underground one by one.

Until this year, after a long period of psychological counseling, it was quite suddenly a sudden. I told the consultant that I felt that my father was very fragile, because of these fragile, he did something bad.

For example, it may be because he is dissatisfied with his life and his temper is very irritable. Any my mistakes, my mother's mistakes, and his own mistakes will eventually evolve into his anger. Essence After having this idea, all kinds of things that he did not do well brought me a bad impact on me.

I started to hate him very much, and I felt that many of the issues I had to deal with now were because of him.

It sounds worse and worse, but I feel pretty good. There is a feeling that my dad has finally been pulled off from the altar. I can no longer need to look up at him, nor need to look up to degrade my mother in order to look up at him. The two of them are ordinary parents. They have disadvantages and advantages, and they are imperfect ordinary people. But in the matter of doing parents, I believe they do their best to do their best.

At the same time, I feel like I have grown up, and I no longer need to imagine a perfect father / male image to become my vulnerable part dependence and sustenance, and save me from some levels.

Maybe when I grow up more, these hates will become accepted, understanding, or even love, (maybe not), who knows, at least the current cognition is to stand on the ground with reality as the foundation.

Picture source: "Please answer 1988"

If you score your father,

I think I will give him an unqualified score

When preparing for the wedding this year, the wedding supervision on my questionnaire survey, the question of what type of people my parents are in my heart, I wrote:

Father: The love for children is not good at expressing, negative energy collection, the tofu heart is typical, lemon essence ...

Mother: kind, optimistic and cheerful, passionate about life, filial piety ...

Complaining about my father's affairs, I can list a lot, these bad memories always rush to my eyes:

是 I hate that he always smokes, and always smokes on school uniform clothes;

人 I hate him to talk to people and always talk about each other, so that the family always has negative energy and low pressure;

会 I hate that he will not take the initiative to contact me.

不 I hate that he never praises me, he will pick the disease and tell ugly;

These memories are true, but when I remove these bad memories, I found that some of my father was forgotten by me:

第一 The first one who came to pick me up when my stomach pain came to the hospital;

时 When I broke up early in my early love, I came to see if I was fine;

相 The expensive camera and computers I wanted to buy were also for me (even if the family fiscal power is not in his hands haha);

和 I always eavesdrop me and my mother video call and wants to know that I am recently.

If you think about it, I seem to have always regarded my father as an imaginary enemy at home, and I have always put myself in the position of the victim. Dad always quarreled with my mother when I was a kid. They did not have the right way of communication and always avoided communication. I am in the bad family relationship now, and I have always avoided my love and feelings with my dad.

Because emotions have been suppressed, I can only shed tears instead of expression. I want to start trying to release myself, start to accept such a father, and decide to talk to my dad really to talk about it. I want to tell him my feelings, let's solve their own life topics.

Suddenly I miss him. If I change my dad to score me, would he give me this daughter?

Picture source: "Father who is trapped in time"

Earlier this year, my dad apologized to me

My relationship with my dad has not been good. It can be said that most of my unpleasant experiences in the native family have something to do with my dad.

When he was a child, he was very disparate with his strength, and his main emotions were scared. But when I grew up (after junior high school), after feeling my strength, the hatred was transformed into alienation and confrontation on the bright side. But these also require a lot of energy. After leaving home after adulthood, I tried my relationship with my dad from a long distance. My choice was: leave. Respect your own feelings full, do not contact if you don't want to contact, live your own life. I think it was the best decision I could make at that time.

From the perspective of psychological counseling, I know that this was a very important issue, but at that time I did not have any psychological energy to deal with it, and I did n’t see my dad's willingness to change. Then put it there. Essence

This year, this issue seemed to break a small mouth. At that time, I went home in the New Year. One thing evoked my past many emotions to my dad. I ate at home before going to the high -speed rail. The emotion reached the highest point. I expressed my dissatisfaction with him in one breath. The atmosphere was tense, and I didn't see any sorry for my dad. I was grieved into the car, thinking, I don't want to go home again, I will give up on this issue.

Unexpectedly, when the high -speed rail was approaching Beijing, I received a long period of WeChat text from my dad and apologized to me. In the impression, my dad never apologized to me like this. Although I didn't want to ignore him at the time, I felt that some part was loose.

In the next few months, we still didn't contact much. But slowly, I found that I could start making some attempts. For example, sometimes I was in a bad mood and told him that he was really happy and comforted me in his way. Later, I would directly follow him Expressing, I hope he can do something to improve our relationship, and find that he will do it as I said.

When both of us are willing to improve this relationship and really do something, some changes will happen. Now I will be willing to let myself bear some uncomfortable changes in the process. For example, I always feel that I have nothing to say with my dad before, so I wo n’t say it. But now, although we are still embarrassed by calling the video, I will be willing to bear the embarrassment when I am full of energy and give us an opportunity to practice each other.

Picture source: "Sun is a Good Sun"

Sharing of these is not to persuade everyone to reconcile with native families. After experiencing these, I just feel that reconciliation is a thing that requires many conditions: such as self -growth, psychological independence, whether parents have the willingness to change, actual actions, and whether you can at the same time at the same time Points have such a willingness.

If you don't think you can do it at present, don't force this task on yourself.

For your own permission, to live your own life, when you have strength, you can make your desired decision. Of course, the reconciliation is good, but if you can't do it, admitting that regret is also a way to surpass the native family.

Bleak

What is your relationship with your dad? What effect does it have on you?

Welcome to share with us in the message area ~

Edit: Bingbing

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