The best way to get along with a family: cold treatment

Author: insight allergy

A calm heart can build a deeper world in any environment.

Psychologists at the State University of Iowa have done such an experiment:

He asked 10 wives to write down the shortcomings of her husband, and when the 10 husbands saw his wife's negative evaluation of himself, he was very angry.

Later, the 10 husbands were divided into two groups.

A set of "venting houses" that can be allocated to be vented, and a set of "quiet houses" assigned to sit in need.

As a result, the "quiet group" husband's anger was much reduced than the "vent".

Dou Wentao once said that his mood has passed and nothing is happening.

Cold treatment is the best success and the best protection of a family.

When you are able to face everything calmly and the ground, you can't solve any problems.

01

There is a saying in "The Power of Tranquility" in "The Power of Tranquility":

"If you can take a step in your personal or sad person, you can perceive the experience of others. This may deepen your connection with others, or it may alleviate the pain you feel."

Life is like a boxing match. The more impatient, the easier it is to be at the foot of the chaos.

When rubbing with your family, give yourself a little more calm thinking, which may be another ending.

In the documentary "Happiness", there are particularly moving the professor and wife who have been married for more than 30 years.

Professor Li and her husband are recognized by the college's loving couple, but behind their quiet years, there have been a period of war.

At that time, the child was still young, his career was unsuccessful, and his parents were hospitalized seriously. The two people who were struggling often kept a trivial smoke.

Once, the two were so noisy, and Mr. Sven's gentleman picked up the stool next to him and broke in front of Professor Li.

Seeing such an excited husband, Professor Li immediately stopped the quarrel. Not only did he not be angry and fight back, he stared at the husband quietly. After he calmed down, he asked softly:

"You just furious and out of control just at 0.1 seconds are not angry at me. You are just looking for a way to ask me for help, right?"

The tender question, like a drizzle, instantly extinguished her husband's anger.

Afterwards, Professor Li ordered her husband: "When anyone has emotional out of control, I will let you this time. Next time you let me, let's understand each other."

Bing Xin wrote in "Star Spring Water": "Calm heart can build a deeper world in any environment."

When people are controlled by negative emotions, their ideas are narrow.

When panic, it is better to keep a minute of silence and keep a time for yourself and the other party.

In this way, you can give things a while to make the contradiction no longer upgrade.

02

Some people say that if a family wants to be peaceful, there is always a concession.

If both husband and wife want to take advantage and prove that they are right, then this relationship is wrong.

In fact, many times, we see the right and wrong.

What about you is right between your family, what's wrong? Regardless of winning or losing, the harm is the most dear person.

To treat our family, we must have an incompetent mentality.

On one occasion, Mrs. Juguri had a birthday, and her husband Pierre bought a well -known coat for a year of savings to give her a birthday gift.

But at that time Mrs. Juri was in the distress of the shortage of experimental funds. After seeing such a valuable gift, she was very angry and felt that her husband should use the money on the blade.

However, she complained that her husband "spent money" as soon as she spoke, but suppressed the anger first. After the emotional stability, she said euphemistically:

"My dear, thank you, who really likes this coat. But we live and fight together, which is more precious than you send me any valuable items."

These words not only made the husband aware of spending so much to buy gifts in a very important period, but also cleverly avoided a family contradiction to make the relationship between the two.

As the saying goes, when there are bumps and bumps in teeth and tongue, it is inevitable to quarrel together.

If everything must be fighting, casual things can set off a storm.

People who are truly wise never regard the family as a "battlefield."

Because they know that they encounter problems, they will only consume the love between the two.

Only by putting away emotions and stabilizing the mentality can we turn the "accident" in life into a beautiful story.

03

There is a saying in the old saying: "The sword sore is easy, and the evil language is difficult to dispel."

In a family, parents' mouths can not only spread flowers for their children's roads, but also make their children's road full of thorns.

The writer Qiong Yao has been good at poetry since he was a child and loves reading. The Chinese science grades are very good, but mathematical classes have not been ideal.

The mother felt very angry, and one day said to her, "In case of the failure, it is not your failure, but the failure of the whole family."

The words of her mother seemed to have a sharp blade and stabbed Qiong Yao's heart, and she became inferior, sensitive, and fragile.

Every day, there is a nightmare, and the daughter who dreamed of mocking the professor's family could not go to college.

In psychology, there is an effect called "12 seconds effect":

The storm -like anger often does not exceed 12 seconds, and after this time, people will return to the calmness of the past.

It is a pity that most people will be controlled by these 12 seconds to say or make regrets.

When you are angry, rationality is easy to lose. Really mature parents know how to deal with cold treatment.

Zeng Guofan, known as the "half sage", took seven times before he won a show. But his family, as always, supported him as always, never scolded at all.

After falling into the list, Zeng Guofan, who was not in the text, borrowed a hundred or two silver friends who asked his father to go to buy a book with great interest.

This is a huge amount, which is equivalent to several years of income.

With the mood of "being scolded by scolding a dog blood, and being served by the family law", Zeng Guofan returned home uneasily.

Unexpectedly, his father pressed his anger and said calmly:

"You read these books with your heart, I will repay the debt for you, but since you bought this book, you must read it."

This few words shocked Zeng Guofan, and never read it all day.

"Caigen Tan" has a saying:

"Family people have had it, it is not appropriate to be furious, and it is not advisable to give up. This is difficult to say, and it is sarcastic to use him. Today, it is not realized that it will be alert to the day. "

There are always errors in life, but home is the place to talk about love.

If you do n’t blame it in trouble, it is the preservation agent of marriage and a family adhesive.

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The famous cartoonist Cai Zhizhong, later reviewed the past, he especially thanked his father.

He admits that his father's peace and tranquility have protected his creativity and shaped his quietness and determination.

Life is alive, and family affairs are difficult to break, but as long as they are quiet, there is no hurdle.

Like a praise and encourage friends.

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