When you are getting more and more independent, more and more disagreeable

The writer Zhang Xiaoxian said:

There is an eternal law in the world: when you don't care, you get it; when you get better, you will encounter better. Only when you become strong, you are not afraid of loneliness; when you are not afraid of loneliness, you can then you can only be alone. Can rather be missing.

In life, people have tens of millions of personality, and the circle has a variety of colors.

And we are always afraid of anxiety because the two do not intersection.

Then, whether it is suitable for you, try to find understanding and identification.

But the reality is often: the closer, the more empty; the more dependent, the more you can't find the direction.

And when we decide to become independent and brave, it is the real start of ourselves.

Recently, the "Her Double Tour" program interviewed actor Deng Cuiwen.

I just saw her 798 in Beijing, and she excitedly talked about the color and style of her favorite works.

On the way to the destination, she was asked:

At the age of 50+, will you look at the exhibition alone?

Deng Cuiwen said with a smile:

"I live for myself, why do you want to listen to others how to comment. I love someone more and more, and even feel that it is a bit annoying when I am not alone."

She talked about her habit of "going to sleep", although in the era when everyone's mobile phones were not separated, this approach seemed a bit out of place.

But for Deng Cuiwen, it is a way to express "self -boundaries".

And it is also an answer to others: I can't find me, it means not to quarrel with me; accept contact, I will turn on.

Just as she would not make more people who did n’t like to shoot more, nor would she be confused and anxious because of the prejudice of age.

Instead, you know what you want, and then boldly please yourself.

Like to watch the exhibition, whether he is alone; if you like jazz, go to pursue and enjoy.

There was no shyness, nor was embarrassed to hide backwards.

Such calm and freeness is from her soberness and independence. She will not pretend to be to be, let alone disguise her true self.

After hearing this sentence: "We can live as ourselves, live a little more, more realistic, this is the sincerity and kindness of ourselves."

In life, too many people and things will be set up with "unified standards". If they are not observed, they will be regarded by most people.

But in this life, he will live for himself after all.

If everything chooses to cater and forces yourself to "group", it will inevitably eat the loss of welcoming.

It is hard work and loses freedom.

If you are so boldly clear your social boundaries and leave more time for yourself.

After all, getting along with yourself is the easiest.

In "Love to reach the long time", the author once asked his friend flute:

"Don't you feel lonely with friends?"

"Don't you be afraid that others will impress you well?"

Flute's answer is frank, but directly:

"Many times, they are just as lonely together.

I used to care about the opinions of others, but now I will tell the other person directly. "

The flute in life is just like he said. Although there are many friends, they still like to be alone.

Where he wanted to go, he immediately set off on his back, and he would not always want to find a companion.

He can stay alone in the silent valley for a whole day, or lying on the top of the building for three or four hours to pat the stars.

I don't care if others think it is meaningful, let alone let go of my love because of the incomprehension of others.

For work, the flute has the same opinion. Often, when others and other bosses instructions have done a lot of things according to their own rhythm; when others are still shiring responsibility, they have already figured out the solution.

In reality, it is difficult for us to do the "fierce popularity" like flute, because we always put back others' ideas in our minds, always want to get the recognition of others, and then hesitates repeatedly and dare not make a decision.

Worried that once he was put on a "unsuccessful" hat, it would be difficult to go.

But after experiencing, I found out that only when their own way is good, others will go around.

Haruki Murakami said: "Not all the fish will live in the same sea."

When people come and go, everyone has their own experience and insights. They do not force others to like them. They also allow themselves to be different.

Therefore, you don't need to measure yourself with the standards of others, let alone use other people's minds to think about your life.

Just boldly adjust your life back to your own channel. As for the advice of others, it is only for reference.

What do you want to do, don't hesitate, set off decisively.

Because it is even more proud to live a shadow of yourself than becoming someone else.

At the beginning of the year, she was the cousin of a full -time mother at home for three years and decided to return to the workplace.

But at the beginning, I encountered a problem. Even constantly suspect that your ability is not good, and the emotional intelligence is too low.

The reason was that she wanted to quickly integrate into the circle of colleagues and did a lot of effort, but she couldn't see any effect.

Because of the fault of experience, my cousin has no previous self -confidence.

Therefore, when I first entered the company, I wanted to get closer to my colleagues. I took breakfast in the morning, bought milk tea at noon, and often invited guests to dinner after get off work. I look forward to they can help themselves.

But no matter who, too active, it will be pleasing and humble.

If you can't change respect, it will make people even more look down.

Two months later, my cousin finally understood that even if she entered the circle of colleagues, no one could rely on her. If she wanted to grow up, it was only sherself. Later, my cousin no longer spent time and energy to deliberately do a good relationship. Instead, she sorted out the information and query issues by herself. Although she would be slow and she would always work overtime, she got a very solid sense of satisfaction.

In fact, in life, we often have the same psychology of cousin.

It is always expected that someone can pull ourselves to help us make ideas and suggestions. Fantasy can get a sense of security from the group.

After doing a lot of useless work, we can clearly understand the reason that the group cannot solve the problem.

Rather than getting into the circle of others, it is better to improve yourself.

Then, I no longer try to use my own pleasure to exchange for, but learn to gradually peel off the dependence on others and no longer be disturbed by the outside world.

Hayao Miyazaki said: "Whenever and wherever you have to learn to walk independently, he will make you go more frankly."

When we really no longer look forward to others, we will adhere to our own claims more, and we will strengthen our ambitions and dreams.

Then, no longer climb, but only make yourself the greatest confidence.

"Uhhezhong" said: "If you are born different, why not bother to integrate into this Wuhe people."

Life is a great adventure.

In this process, we must have the courage to recognize ourselves and sincerely, do not have to look for reliance among everyone, do not have to pretend to have many friends, let alone disappoint the heart for other people's comments.

Remember, there is nothing "insisting on yourself".

For the rest of our lives, I hope that we can return to the heart, not afraid of loneliness, let the world lively, just be ourselves.

Author | Liu Xiaoshang, loves text and life.

Picture | Visual China

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