Do you dare to "love you" your partner?

Author:Simple psychology Time:2022.07.14

"Is your partner like this to me, is it a cold violence?"

"What did I do wrong and be punished?"

Every life is worthy of being treated gentle, I hope we all have the power to be convinced.

"Cold violence, what should I do?"

Have you ever had such confusion or experience? "Cold violence" has become a high -frequency topic that has appeared in intimate relationships in recent years. Entering "cold violence" in search engines. There are hundreds of millions of related web pages. There are many troubles.

What is "cold violence"?

"Cold violence", that is, "mental abuse", was proposed for the first time as a professional term. Essence Irigan's definition of "cold violence": "refers to degradation, humiliation, taunting, and exclusion of a specific object through physical violence through reality, but to cause psychological trauma to a specific object."

Because "cold violence" is not as obvious and easy to perceive as physical violence, many times the party who is abused is difficult to detect or can't say anything, which causes self -doubts and feels that it must be something wrong.

Photo source: "No Question West East"

"Cold violence" has a huge damage to people, which will cause people to have bad emotions such as pain, shame, and anger. Long -term "cold violence" is enough to destroy a person.

关系 Safe example: The cold violence in the relationship, the model of the husband and wife of the husband and wife of Liu Shufen in the movie "No Question West East" is typical. There is such a scene in the film, and the wife yelled at her husband: "Outsiders only see how I hit you, scold you, but they don’t know how you hit me. You hit me with your attitude, you make me think me, I think me It is the worst person in the world. "Perhaps in the eyes of outsiders, her husband is more like a victim, enduring his wife's scolding, and his wife who encountered" cold violence "finally chose to jump well in extreme despair, ending her life.

Why does "cold violence" occur?

The root cause of "cold violence" is that the relationship is not equal. Under normal circumstances, people will interpret this kind of incompetence as the gap between economic status. In fact, the influence of personality factors and the differences in cognitive levels in the relationship will also lead to inconsistency in the relationship and also need to pay attention.

1. Personal factors influence

Relevant psychological studies have shown that people with certain personality traits are more likely to become "cold violence" abusers or abusers.

People with control or narcissism have more likely to develop into "cold violence" in the relationship. They often need to maintain a comprehensive control of the partner, and block the partner through the "cold violence" methods such as degradation and humiliation. In the relationship of dependence or exclusiveness, the partner cannot resist the emotions such as self -doubt and guilt.

Picture source: "One Day"

People with dependence or inferiority are more likely to become a "cold violence" in the relationship. They often rely on the sense of insecurity and excessive dependence on the relationship, resulting It will force yourself to internalize the abusers' attacks and identify that they are "incompetent", "bad", and "should be punished."

2. Economic income gap

It is often said that "the economic foundation determines the upper architecture", which was originally a statement of Marx in discussing production relations and social ideology. To some extent, it also applied to the impact of the economic gap between partners on the state of relations. Psychological abuse is a more common "cold violence" due to the relationship between economic income gap. In such situations, the abuse party often has to choose to stay in the relationship due to economic reasons.

“Safe example:" I have been married for many years, have children, have a strong desire to control the personality/control of my partner, and often treat me with "cold violence 'such as words such as words and humiliation. Considering that the child is young, my income is lower. I just want to calm down. I just want to calm down. Life, letting children grow up, how should I get along with my partner? "This is a kind of more typical psychological platform for help. It reflects the" cold violence "caused by the gap between economic income.

3. Differences of cognitive level

Each of us has the limitations of their own cognition due to factors such as education level, growth environment, and cultural background. In some situations, the differences in cognitive levels will also become a hotbed of "cold violence".

Picture source: "Deadly Woman"

Example: "Guangming Daily" has criticized the decaying cognition such as "" Female Duban "entitled" The Female Duban "who is" Female Duban "that is not only banned." The so -called "female virtue" in the society will not be enlarged by the old concept of modern values, which is an extreme interpretation of traditional culture. It can be seen that "cold violence" caused by cognitive differences is also common.

How to deal with the cold violence of the partner?

If you are encountering cold violence, can you deal with cold violence and protect yourself through self -redemption, identification and other methods? The answer is yes, the following ways will help improve your situation.

1. Establish a complete personality

Establishing a perfect personality is the ultimate goal of "self -growth". Having a comprehensive personality means a stable and clear cognition of "self", and will not be controlled and controlled by external voices.

When encountering "cold violence", you can still be convinced that "I am good" and "I have nothing to do wrong". You can rationally judge your situation and avoid being trapped in "cold violence" without knowing it. It can avoid becoming a "susceptible crowd" that is "prone" because of the lack of personality such as excessive dependence and inferiority. Image source: "Sepanic and Quiet Leisure"

A healthy and complete personality helps to identify the potential abusers of "cold violence". The partner in the relationship is a mirror of each other. It has a complete personality and helps to clearly perceive and identify "cold violence" at the beginning of the relationship. A partner with a tendency to enter the relationship carefully or take self -protection measures as soon as possible.

2. Cultivate a certain survival skills

To cultivate a certain survival skills, you can avoid being able to choose from "being cold violence" and can only be accepted passively.

In recent years, with the advancement of ideas, diversified life choices have been accepted by the public. Mr./Mrs. Full -time Mr./Mrs. has become a new type of partner relationship and family division of labor. "Full -time" does not mean giving up all social functions and attributes. "Full -time" can still cultivate their own survival skills and hobbies, master a certain level of survival skills, and once encounter "cold violence", it helps to have more choices and master their own destiny to a greater extent.

3. Exercise independent thinking ability

The term "brainwashing" often appears in some "cold and violent" cases. The abusers have continued to instill the thoughts of degradation and negation by continuously instilling the masochist. As a result, it should be punished by this. Exercise independently thinking, maintain rational and calm thinking, can avoid being "brainwashed".

4. Seek help from the society support system

When encountering "cold violence", you can seek help from the society to support the system. The so -called "social support system" refers to the material and spiritual help and support from the individual's social relations web. Among them, "others" include both families such as loved ones and friends, and social organizations and service agencies composed of strangers, such as mutual assistance groups, professional psychological counseling agencies, psychological counselors, etc.

Picture source: "MIU404"

In addition to the above -mentioned social support system, if necessary, you can also seek legal help. Article 3 of the Marriage Law in my country stipulates: "prohibit domestic violence and prohibit abuse and abandon." Can be regarded as abuse.

Written at the end:

"Every life is worthy of being treated", and "cold violence", please tell yourself "I have nothing wrong."

May you have the power to be convinced, say goodbye to "cold violence", be your own "warm baby", and warm the future life journey.

references

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[1] Mary Francis Eligon, translated by Gu Shuxin. Cold violence [M]. Jiangxi People's Publishing House, 2017.

[2] Yu Xiaofen. Analyze the "cold violence" of the family from a legal perspective. Legal system and society. 2014 (2): 284-285.

[3] Xia Yiwei. Internal attributes and legal relief of family cold violence. Legal Expo. 2019 (6): 259.

[4] Yao Guiying, Du Ailing, et al. Personality in the intermediary role between college students' childhood mental abuse and current depression symptoms. China Clinical Psychology Magazine. 2011 (19): 66-68.

[5] Wang Shichuan. Guangming Daily: For the "female Duban" that repeatedly banned, it should have a heavy punch. People's Daily. 2018 (12).

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