How precious is the "relaxation" in family relations?|

This article comes from the public account: Qian Zhiliang Studio ID: QZLGZS

Author | Qian Zhiliang

Recently, the word "relaxation" suddenly became hot.

It originated from a Weibo post from blogger@black cat white socks, which recorded a family he saw in a plane and calm and peaceful when dealing with emergencies.

Thinking of the possible ways to deal with himself or his parents, he couldn't help but sigh: "There is really such a relaxed family relationship in this world."

Unexpectedly, this Weibo has resonated with many netizens, and has commented on comments.

Some people say that this is related to the economic conditions of the family. If you have money, you are not afraid of losses. Of course, you can calm down and relax.

In fact, this is not the key to the problem.

The relaxation in family relations is essentially a positive way of thinking, strong emotional management ability, and peaceful communication methods when encountering things.

Some families, even if they are not wealthy, have a stable and relaxed atmosphere. Everyone in it can gain sufficient sense of security and belonging.

This feeling of peace of mind and joy will nourish every family member, which will also make the whole family better and better.

01

How extravagant family relationships are they?

Family should have been a shelter with love, warmth, and relaxed.

There, I am loved and accepted, and I can be myself with peace of mind. No matter how big the problem encounters, the family will accompany each other and face it together.

Unfortunately, in real life, many families lack such atmosphere.

In the comment area of ​​that Weibo, many netizens admitted that they grew up in a tense and high -pressure family atmosphere since they were young, and therefore left a psychological shadow that was difficult to eliminate.

"Thinking of myself, I want to cry a bit. When I was young, I accidentally touched the chopsticks to the ground, and I would be scolded loudly. Even if I accidentally encountered something, the subconscious response was stunned, and my heart was particularly panicked."

"I dropped my ID card in high school. I thought that I needed my parents to take a day off with me to make up for it. I was anxious and started crying in the dormitory toilet."

"I envy this kind of family life, and my family has always been consumed because of some trivial matters, and the trivial matter will blame each other for a long time, which is really tired."

In family life, there will inevitably be a time to stumble, make mistakes, and be disrupted by emergencies.

The more these moments, the more they test the stability of the family and the relationship between family members.

Some people are impatient and lack of patience. They are doing a little trivial. When they encounter problems, they blame each other and blame each other.

This way of doing things can easily damage the feelings between family members, and it is not conducive to the prosperity and happiness of a family.

In a family, children are in the weakest position and often bear the emotional pressure of parents, and physical and mental development will be negatively affected.

Some parents have a low tolerance rate for their children's mistakes. If they do something wrong, they will criticize their children with their heads.

In such a tense and high -pressure family atmosphere, the child's sense of security is getting lower and lower, and he often feels nervous and anxious, for fear of doing something wrong.

This psychology that dares not to make mistakes and is afraid of being punished will undoubtedly weaken the child's desire to explore, lack courage and courage, and be suppressed by growth potential.

When children grow up in a tense and high -pressure family atmosphere, they will also become picky and careless. They like to blame others and shirk responsibilities when they are in trouble, which is not conducive to the development of interpersonal relationships.

To make matters worse, if the influential children do not know how to refuel and change, they will unconsciously copy this mode of getting along to the new round of family relationships, passed down from generation to generation, and fall into a vicious circle.

02

How to build a relaxed family relationship?

Everyone is eager to feel safe and relaxed in the family, no matter what they look like, they can be accepted and tolerated.

The love and warmth obtained in the family will become the confidence of a person's life, making them courage and confidence, and calmly face life.

The relaxation in family relations is simply to respect and understand each other between family members, and to bear and solve the problem together, rather than falling into mutual confrontation.

It is important to build a family relationship with relaxation. It is important to do the following three points:

(1) Change the way of thinking

In life, what makes people feel tired and painful is often not the matter itself, but the perspective of our viewing things, and the emotional dilemma from this.

It does not consume too much energy to deal with things itself, and it will be exhausted in the vortex of emotions.

For example: I went to travel happily, but I found that the ticket was wrong at the station.

At this time, from the perspective of solving the problem, it should be changed or refunded and re -planned.

However, there are many people who can't accept the feeling of disrupted control, fall into self -denial, constantly blame themselves, be angry and annoyed, and a good mood will be destroyed.

For another example: the child accidentally broke the bowl.

Looking at it simply, parents first check whether their children are injured, and then clean up the fragments with their children, and things can pass.

However, some parents, just who can't live in the heart, burned in anger, accusing the children of being careless and useless, not even a bowl, and the last two were unhappy.

As a bystander, it can be found that when things have happened, no matter how much emotions are, it will only cause painful memories and even destroying the relationship.

Therefore, when encountering things, we can change our own way of thinking: what changes can be changed, those who accept cannot be changed, and we should put energy on the problem, instead of wasting self -attack and accusing others. In this way, the whole person will be easier and happy, and people around them will be infected.

Especially when educating children, parents should not be too harsh.

For the growing children, it is normal for the mistakes to make mistakes. However, parents have more patience and tolerance to give him a certain time and space to help the child grow more.

(2) Communicate peacefully

In life, compared to outsiders, we are always used to giving the bad temper to the closest to those who are closest. They do not consider each other's feelings. They are ridiculed and aggressive.

However, people's hearts are soft and fragile, unstable emotions, mean rough language, which will also make the family feel injured. Over time, it is getting more and more cold and disappointed.

When a person's heart is dish, how can this family be happy?

As the saying goes: "Home and everything".

The so -called homehees refer to each member in the family to communicate and communicate calmly, communicate and communicate, and can express their feelings and needs in proper way.

In this way, family members can feel each other's love and concern, enhance each other's understanding, and be full of warmth and strength.

When the communication is smooth, it can be solved efficiently when encountering things, and life is smoother and beautiful.

It is often said that family is a place to talk about feelings and less right or wrong. In the process of communication, we should pay attention to our own tone, express it positively, talk about things, and do not mean to ask, ridicule, and turn old accounts.

In the case of sudden situation, don't just care about the fault of the other party, take care of the other party's feelings, understand each other, and stand together to face the problem together.

(3) Learn to manage emotions

There is a "cat -kick effect" in psychology, which reflects the infection of negative emotions:

A father, because he was criticized by his boss and returned home, he saw that the child jumped around on the sofa and moved his liver, so he scolded the child.

The child felt dissatisfied and wronged, turned his breath on the cat at home, and kicked the cat fiercely. The cat fled out of the house and ran to the road.

Coincidentally, a truck passed, and the driver was too late to avoid, and hit the child who was playing next to him, causing an accident.

Bad emotions will be contagious, as if pushing down the Domino card, and often from high status to low status, from the strong to the weak.

Modern society is full of competition and anxiety, work pressure, various emergencies in life, parenting problems, etc. The string that is not careful about people's emotions easily collapse, causing emotional out of control.

After many parents did not hold back their children, they began to regret it; the quarrel between many husbands and wives came from casual emotional venting.

It is easy to vent the emotions, but it is difficult to repair.

In the family, as long as there is a person's emotional instability and irritability, it will make the entire family atmosphere nervous, everyone cannot relax, and life becomes distressed and unhappy.

As an adult, especially after being a parent, emotional management is a compulsory course. Improving its own cognition and self -control ability not only brings happiness to the family.

First of all, do not vent the negative emotions accumulated in your work and life to your family, and learn to find the appropriate emotional venting channel, such as listening to music, watching movies, running, a person who stays alone, and talks with his family.

Second, learn to perceive your emotions. When you come up, press a pause button to see your current emotions, and think about where you come from, calm down for three minutes, let the emotions flow naturally, and then face the family.

Finally, through practical actions and efforts, we improve their self -confidence and sense of life, and cultivate their own mentality.

The "relaxation" in family relations is not just an illusory term. It is related to the psychological security and emotional state of every family member.

In the face of trivial matters, they are not arguing, and they are indifferent. Believe in the power of love and tolerance, the family will be happier and happier!

This article is reproduced in Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: QZLZGS), author | Qian Zhiliang, famous teacher in Beijing Normal University. Focus on special education, family education, and early childhood education. He is the author of "Early Entry", "Early Education of Science", "140 Chinese characters that are urgently used first," and so on.

Editor in charge | Du Runnan

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