Boys can cry, girls don’t have to be a princess -northern university talked about breeding

How do we raise children today? Do you want him or her to succeed, or do you want to go his own old way? Speaking of orally, I only wish him/her healthy, happy, and happy -in fact, it is almost perfect -but often is anxious because of the gap in reality? The warmth of the villain is attached to the heart nest, can you still see the first day of the day after day?

Almost every pair of parents will face these problems. Even after hundreds of parenting guidelines, they may still be at a loss when they are in their background.

Hu Yong, a well -known professor and communication scholar of Peking University, "Free Like Tree: Letter to Children" is also unwilling to find standard answers, but hopes to provide an unsteady, straightforward, straightforward solution to the essence of the spiritual essence. sample.

There is no "chicken baby" guide in the book, there is no necessary list, and some are just a record of the growth of the first zodiac annual rotation of dragon and phoenix boys and girls. Thinking about the experience of a middle -aged man with both bitterness and mixed flavors, a warm and vivid "multi -child" family education sample.

Such as Professor Hu Yong's experience: "Educating children will never be immediate. Good or bad, they are walking."

After all, it is a long, two -way spiritual growth path. The trees of children's spirit need to be developed, poured, cared for, and thrive, as well as parents.

As the first gardener who cares for the children's spiritual garden, loving parents will learn "the second birth" in diligence and patience, and set out the endless spiritual sources of themselves and their children, and pour out the root of the root system. Tree.

From family, friendship to compassion, from cars, books, digital games, housework, to "you and me", the creature of all things, the starry sky universe ... 12 years, 24 letters, Professor Hu Yong used his consistent speculation and insight. , Explore the softest areas of life, watch, listen, anti -rush, and turn on the soul of the children.

Boys can cry, girls do not have to be princess; parents learn from their children, may be much more than their parents taught the children: This difficult and happy journey, what kind of presets are needed?

This book is written to the tired parents today, hoping to provide a psychological healing book that is not anxious; it is also written to the children -when the children also become parents in the future, when they look back, they will be more convinced: Love is the only sign of the sign.

/ Boy, you can cry as well

Dear, the last, last:

You two were not crying to this world. Maybe, just because there is no strength.

You and your mother were reunited for a while, and they were taken into the insulation box by the nurse. When my mother is pregnant with you, I am an elderly maternal and suffer from stretch hypertension. During childbirth, he bleeds and used three rolls of medical gauze to save his life. You have a premature birth and add up to 8 pounds in total.

After returning to my mother, on the tenth day of birth, Dad observed that when the child fell asleep, he would dream, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing ...

However, about crying, the story is more at the end of the boy.

Grandma has a real biography, and a pair of beautiful dimples in the last time, but prefer to cry.

As long as I cried in the end, my face was just like a red apple. When he saw his emotions, he would shout, "Come on, the end will become red again!"

There are many reasons for the "redness": when you wake up in the morning, cry and cry, call the adults to hug; even worse when you sleep, sleep when you hold it, and cry when you put it down. Calling, even punching and kicking mother ... Almost always beside the last side, he is often scared by his brother's sudden lighting, and he cries. For more than half a year, Dad laughed at himself, and his family often had a drumming weather.

No matter how old, I cried at the end, and I watched it seriously, shouting "Hi! Hi" (Mom's translation is: "What are you crying, kid!") Expressing protest. Sometimes, I really used it, and I was calmed by my sister at the end, and immediately stopped crying.

More often, it is impossible to town. Mom said that Xiao Mo was like a charge -the Liang Liang's charge cut through the night sky and summoned you to act immediately. After listening to too much, my parents found that the last crying sound was progressing in turn: first humming, no one cares, so as to raise the sound by one octave; The crying sound was bright, the sound shock roof tile.

Living on the third floor, there is a big dog on the first floor. Once, the big dog's barking ordered the neighbors every morning. Today, the abundant children and male treble completely overwhelmed the momentum of the big dog. It only barks a few times when it doesn't pay attention to the end ...

Mom and dad knew that at the beginning, in infants and young children, newborns could only express their needs and emotions in a crying way.

At that time, the adults worked hard to think of the baby's cry as a kind of difficult language: there was "hungry crying", the typical sound effect was subwoofer, rhythmic, and continued; High; if "wow" crying, it may be that the body feels pain, or it will be hurt by something. In addition to distinguishing the tone of crying, you can also observe your body movements: when you are hungry, your head will be biased towards one side, your head keeps turning, and his mouth is moved. For example, the newborn baby is like a tourist who has just arrived in foreign countries. He cannot express himself clearly, and others will be wrong to express them. Therefore, parents need a lot of observations and listening.

In the later growth process, we cried at the end. Back to the ordinary record of my father one day: Crying for several days in the last day: I fell, and I cried on my forehead; after picking up the leaves, I did not wash my hands and was forcibly washed by my father, crying; before eating at night, I had to eat The cough medicine of "grape flavor", the mother is not allowed, crying ...

Dad said: The "traffic" of his son's tears a day is certain, and he must be finished.

Mom mocked: Dad is really an Internet expert.

I cried too much, and began to be "disliked" by adults at the end: "Is this still worth crying?" The next is impatient: "You want to cry, just cry, when you are better, then come over." Then It is blame, especially in public, and can't control their emotions at the end of the public. It makes parents always hang up and return home to be criticized for "shame".

What makes parents often feel that the child cries without any reason.

In fact, if you think about it carefully, the children's emotional seizures are in the final analysis because of the unable to express their ideas, causing frustration: there is no way to say the troubles, sometimes I can't say clearly, sometimes I dare not say, so they resort to tears and screams; often I feel weak, and lacks living skills to deal with uncomfortable feelings; when I get tired, I don’t know what to do; I don’t know why there are some things that I can't follow my own meaning, I only know that it is sad, I can't stand the degree of unbearable levels. Essence

It is sighed that at this time, the patience of mom and dad is gradually getting less. One day of fatigue, it is difficult to make full investment and communicate with the children ...

On one occasion, I conflicted with my mother at the end and went out of the house. Dad went outside to find it. At the end of the time, I saw my father and ran away. Dad chased on the street for a long time. At the end of the come back, I also joked Dad: "You are an old man now." Dad couldn't care about anger, just busy educating the end: "No matter what happens in the future, you can't run out." Quiet, I ran when I saw you out. "

In the chase of the father and son, Dad saw the dog next to his family screaming, and he couldn't help worrying about the fear of the dog at the end. Later, the father and son talked in the house. At the end, I said that I knew that when I saw the dog, I couldn't run, and I had to walk slowly.

But next, the son cried and said something, which shocked his father: the son felt that he was not as good as the dog. Dad was wrong at the beginning, thinking that his son wanted to express himself unheard. In fact, the last meaning was that even the dog would be obedient, and he could not do it with his mother, but he couldn't do it.

End: I think only my little crab (doll) loves me. I can only trust my crabs.

Dad: Dad didn't lose his temper with you. Why don't you trust Dad?

Last: I don't know, maybe because you are not there, you are not familiar with you.

Dad: When dad is there, can you chat with you every day?

End: Maybe. I have 90%of my trust in my sister, and my trust in my parents is 60%.

Mom and dad feel incompetent. It turned out that he was compared to a little crab in the child's heart.

My mother remembered that she also loved to cry when she was a child, and was sent to the chamber. The adult scared that there was a red -eyed mouse inside, and she came out when she cried. She was really scared. This generation of mom and dad has been instilled from an early age. He crying is not right, crying is not good, crying is shameful, crying is weak, and the child who loves crying must be scolded and stopped.

Later, my mother realized: "In fact, we didn't have a good understanding of the last cry. He may be such a child who needs to cry and release the grievances and negative emotions in his heart. Add the wrong concept of the previous generation to your child. "

So, Christmas in 2021, when the gift was given to the last gift, the mother decided to attach a letter to the letter:

It was almost passing in 2021, and this year's conflict was fierce.

Mom learned how to "listen to children" and found that she didn't understand you a lot. You cry, it is the vent of your emotions, and the mechanism of self -protection and repair of people. If you lose your temper, it should be the same. Crying is not embarrassing. You need to cry to repair yourself, so when you are crying next time, you can cry, and your mother will be with you to repair the emotions in your heart.

You can't think of it, but crying is to cry less and less in the future. You are a child who can insight into the essence of things, like a little Zen master. I hope that since 2022, learn to better repair yourself, and the love of your mother will always be with you. We all become a better ourselves.

In this New Year, my mother told the end and could cry in the future.

Another mother, a child who also cried, sent a message saying: "My daughter said specifically: I cried enough yesterday, today I feel so happy."

Can crying also bring happiness? Surprisingly, crying can indeed relax.

British psychoana Donald Winnikot analyzed children's cry from four different motivations: satisfaction, pain, anger, and grief.

In terms of motivation, crying is the source of children's happiness, because like any sports, it has exercised some important features. Dad couldn't help but think of a long time when Yueyue, who had been in battle for a long time, said: "How can children cry? Crying is to work." It is really famous!

Next is the painful cry, which is a noisy announcement of physical discomfort, often caused by hunger. From the perspective of human development, crying even has a purpose of evolution, because it is sending signals to people nearby, indicating that children need help and comfort. The anger crying refers to his temper, the child was conquered by anger, crying to his face. No matter how difficult the anger children are controlled, anger has its own positive side: at least it means that children have a certain degree of trust in others. Essence Screaming shows children's desire for changing.

Finally, there is a sad cry, which marks a major progress of children's psychological development. Sad crying can be regarded as a minimum poetic gesture. It can be said to be one of the main sources of music: it is a self -comfort attempt, a unhappy song that the child sings for himself to express the order order to express the order order to express the order order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order to express the order. Surprising losses and courage to accompany themselves when facing such losses.

It turned out that there were so many functions of crying. As a man, Dad, seeing my little boy, can be regarded as a victory of parenting.

Does it sound strange? No.

Crying the last love, parents never accept acceptance because we realize that as parents, we always control the emotions of children in different ways (encourage or prevent) children -especially boys -because traditionally more more than a more traditional more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more than a more more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more than a more more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more more than a boy -because it is traditionally more more than a more more than a boy -because it is traditionally changed more Do not accept a emotional boy. And when we do this, we may not even realize it.

Many of the language we inherited in the culture of cultivation in culture are rooted in trying to reduce children's emotions, especially those negative emotions.

For example, when the child is crying or upset, we say, "Hush, okay, it's quiet, it's not so bad."

If the child is injured and crying, we will say, "Don't cry, dry the tears, you are a brave child."

As parents, we think that these words are all good intentions. We just try to provide comfort in the language that have been circulated for many years. But we actually secretly said: "Don't be sad or fragile. If you are really so sad or uncomfortable, you must learn to hide it."

These may be a very chaotic information for a child. If their emotions cannot flow naturally, they will only be accumulated more and more ... especially in boys.

There is a study who examines how the mother and 30-35 -month -old children discuss the emotions of past experience, and find that the words used by the mother and daughter are much more complicated and slightly subtle, and the conversation between the mother and the son is often concentrated in one kind of Emotional: Angry.

This means that we often describe the emotions of boys with a single and lack of diversity, and therefore have great prejudice.

Dad reflected himself from this. In the past, he often said two words to the end: "In the end, when you encounter things, don't cry first, and the second don't be angry." In fact, Dad is wrong. Dad also accepted this prejudice in the subconsciousness of Dad. Boys have a lot of ability to experience rich emotions than girls. However, emotional diversity has long been proved to be an important factor in mental health and happiness.

The negligence and scarce of emotional diversity not only affect the psychological health of the boy. Our social tradition also requires girls to obey, gentle, and quiet for a long time to avoid their anger and desire. With the progress of society, many girls' parents have begun to be very vigilant about this "standard". But we are still telling the boy not to cry.

As parents, we often encourage our boys to be "strong". If he has sisters, we will encourage him to be an example and "become a man." The boy's tears made us feel uneasy. His sadness made us feel that he could not bear heavy tasks.

In fact, we are our parents, confused accusations and responsibility. We often show accusations and anger (it is your fault, not my fault), and rarely express fragility responsible (although I did not do well, but I tried my best). So the boy we raised was also encouraged to do this by intentionally or unintentionally.

The accusations and responsibility are the opposite. The accusations are the way of discharge and pain, and it is a way to release anger. People who often blame very few perseverance and courage to be truly responsible, because all their energy is spent on anger, trying to find out who is wrong, and then "pick" the responsibility.

In fact, the responsibility of responsibility means the acceptance of fragile. According to the social work expert Boleine Brown, to encourage the sense of responsibility, we must first be willing to accept shame, scarce, fear, anxiety and uncertain experience. When perfectism (or the desire that strongly protects ourselves from accusations) has been encouraged, we cannot be fragile and cannot be responsible.

This is the key to allowing crying: don't be afraid of fragility.

Fulture is not always a relaxed and positive experience, but it is not a dark emotion that people call. In fact, fragility is the core of all emotions and feelings. Emotion is fragile. Feeling is fragile. Think of fragility is the weakness, which is equivalent to thinking that emotions are weaknesses, and feelings are weaknesses. If you are afraid of fragility and are worried that the cost is too high, you will choose to escape responsibility, and you will distort our lives.

My dear, the last, my parents must correct themselves, and they can no longer blame you to cry. Mom and dad also want you to be brave to accept your fragility ...

A child cannot be perfect. Similarly, parents do not need to make the children feel perfect.And all imperfect people have the right to cry.

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