Whether the husband and wife or a couple, the real relationship that really goes to the last time has experienced these three abandonment

Regarding marriage, I have seen such an metaphor:

The relationship between marriage is like a land -bite land. You are more here, and I will give up here, run into the peak and valley, and run out of the new tacit understanding.

Marriage is a practice, which is inseparable from the efforts and operations of two people.

In this world, there are no perfect partners, and some are just compromise and running in both parties.

Regardless of the couple or couple, a period of really going to the last relationship often experiences these three abandonment.

Some people say that a happy family has never been right or wrong.

Because the result of the right and wrong is nothing more than two:

The winner was hurt, and the people who fought were injured. In the end, they lost both.

Home is a place to talk about love, not a reasonable place.

Unfortunately, not everyone knows this.

Emotional expert Zhao Yong, shared a story of his own:

He said that in the first two years of marriage, his relationship with his wife was particularly poor.

It is often unhappy because of some family trivial matters.

His wife was not good at remembering, and often lost three or four, such as forgetting to close the door, forgetting to shut down with the computer.

Because of these trivial matter, he spent more than once with his wife.

But his accusations and preaching did not change his wife, but forgot to forget things more frequently, and even fell into a vicious circle. The more he criticized his wife, the more serious the wife forgot.

The contradictions between the two are constant, the quarrels are frequent, and the marriage has become precarious.

Later, by chance, he participated in a growth course.

In the course, the teacher asked for a group game, and he was selected as the team leader.

But because he understood the deviation and intention of the rules, the team failed.

The instructor said such a paragraph when he commented on him:

If you refuse to listen to others, it is certain that self, failure. If you are married, you may not be happy if you get married.

This is the words that made him completely awakened and began to reflect on his problems in marriage.

He learned to make changes. When he contradicts his wife, he no longer blindly blamed, but reflected in herself.

When his wife forgot to do things, he reminded a note on the door and prepared a message to close the computer on the desk.

Slowly, his wife forgot to things less and less, his relationship with his wife is getting better and better, and marriage is a lot happy.

Emotional expert Tu Lei once said:

"One person's real happiness is not more, but less care."

Marriage is trivial. If every trivial matter must be compared and rushing to be right or wrong, then such marriage may not be far away.

A good marriage is not without contradictions, but to give up the truth, give up criticism and accusations, learn to think in other places, and understand softness and compromise.

In a marriage, emotions are superior to the reason.

The reasonable marriage does not have a future, and the marriage of love can go further and more secure.

Turn the old account and explain from a psychological perspective. In fact, it is an emotional dependency effect.

Emotional dependence is actually our current emotional state, the process of extracting brain memory.

To put it simply, when a person is angry and sad, it is easier to think of those painful memories in the past.

In this world, there are few couples who do not quarrel.

Two people have been together for a long time, and they are inevitable to bump and quarrel.

For everyone in marriage, the most terrible thing is sometimes not quarrel, but constantly turning the old account.

The old account is like exposing the scar, not only hurting people, but also hurting yourself.

In the TV series "The World", there is such a scene:

Zhou Rong and Feng Huacheng quarreled because of the division of the unit.

Zhou Rong complained that Feng Huacheng had nothing to do, and even a twelve square meter house could not get it.

And Feng Huacheng is not willing to show weakness. He returned Zhou Rong like this:

You have the ability to divide into two bedrooms and one living room early, but unfortunately, you can't control your impulse. For more than two years, I don't want to understand how you ran to others and returned the gifts that were sent out.

As soon as Zhou Rong was anxious, he began to turn over the old account:

I am selfish, I am not calm, I am willful, you are calm, you are comprehensive, you are proficient in interpersonal relationships, you have never given back to gifts everywhere, how can I not work?

Two people are like this, you say one sentence, noise.

After hearing a word: "The old account that has not been turned over, only the problem of being put on hold."

Sometimes, we overwhelmed the old accounts over and over again, because it has never been properly resolved.

Therefore, in the next quarrel, all the things and emotions that were once uncomfortable ran out of their minds.

But I still want to say that turning the old account will not solve the current problems, but it will intensify greater contradictions.

Instead of turning the old account when quarreling, it is better to give yourself a buffer time, wait for the emotion to stabilize, and then solve the problem again.

If you have grievances, you can solve it if you have something to do.

It is easier to perceive the happiness in marriage without turning the old account.

In a emotional program, a couple who had been married for ten years came.

When the host asked the reason for participating in the show, his wife's reply was that her ten -year marriage made her more and more chilling.

Because her husband rarely communicates with her at home, they don't quarrel, nor do they talk much.

Every time there is a contradiction, the husband's handling is to escape, do not communicate, nor does it respond.

The most impressive time was that her girlfriend had a birthday and asked her to participate.

She knew that her husband would not cook. Before leaving, she deliberately made all the food and told him how to get hot. As a result, when she returned home, the meals did not move at all.

Seeing this scene, she was very angry and questioned why her husband did this?

Who knows that the husband didn't want to answer her at all, and suddenly took the bag away. After walking for five days, he didn't make a phone call.

Talking about the reason, the husband just said lightly: "Because I don't know how to communicate, I just want to escape."

And there are many such things.

In the description of his wife, the family was so quiet.

Because the husband was very busy, he went home at 9 o'clock in the evening. Even if he returned home, he didn't communicate with her very much.

In the "Chinese Women's Daily", there is an article called "Encountering Cold Violence, where to go for marriage", and summarizes the common characteristics of cold violence:

I do n’t care: reduce language communication to the minimum; intentionally avoided contact between the two; wounds, ridicule and sarcasm in evil language; stop or perfunctory life; completely irresponsible to family affairs. Some people even suddenly disappear for a while, ignore the feelings of the family, let go of their own emotions, follow the feeling of doing something, and do not bear the obligations and responsibilities of the husband and wife ...

Studies have shown that indifference is more harmful to marriage than noisy, and it is more likely to cause marriage to break.

His noisy is at least a way to communicate, but cold violence completely close the channel of communication.

Marriage without communication is like a dead water. He is in it and feels suffocation and despair.

Marriage requires interaction and feedback.

Give up cold violence, communicate in time, and pay with heart, is the correct way to operate marriage.

Writer Made said:

What really promotes love is not strong love, but trivial time. And the disappearance of love is also the end of these lives.

Marriage is not easy. Two people in love should be cherished together.

When there is a dispute, give up the truth, think more and understand each other;

Learn to turn over and give up the old account. Marriage is going forward, not looking back;

Do not escape the problem, give up cold violence, communicate more, interact more, and share more.

Marriage is a spiritual practice.

The marriage that should give up, adhere to what should be adhered to, and the marriage that two people operate with the heart will not be disappointed.

Light at the end of the text [Looking at], I hope we can all protect good marriage, live with heart, love each other, live up to time, and live up to the pillows.

The car is slow in this world, and I am fortunate to love you, which is the biggest joy in this life.

Author | Sister Jiali, reluctant to love and freedom in life.

Picture | Visual China, the Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact delete)

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