Couples who do not match emotional value will only torture each other

Author of this article: Hu Xin Shu.

This article authorizes the WeChat public account (ID: huxinshu713),

I want to talk to the emotional value in love today.

Yesterday I saw a girl in the background that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend, and let her make up her determination except for the accumulation of some trivial matters. The biggest reason was that her boyfriend could not love herself in the way she wanted.

After graduating, the girl finally found her internship work, but she was always anxious because of the pressure of work.

Because of the first job, she didn't want to resign so quickly, so the negative emotions that girls could not solve could only talk to her boyfriend.

She did it for 2 months in this internship, and the negative emotions conveyed with her boyfriend for 2 months. Until yesterday, the girl complained to her boyfriend again. The boyfriend was angry.

To his boyfriend's opinion, he has done his best to comfort himself, and even gives his girlfriend to make suggestions, but everyone knows that unless the girl changes a job, the state of anxiety and negative will always be maintained, but he cannot receive from his girlfriend every day. Complaints.

In the eyes of girls, the highest form of loving someone is to be able to catch all the negative emotions of the other party, and she feels that if her boyfriend can't do it, she will break up.

In fact, after reading the girl's submission, I was contradictory.

On the one hand, I understand that girls really need the emotional value from the other half when they are in love. On the other hand, I also feel that the boys have listened and comforted when their girlfriends need him. It does not change the status quo.

Thinking about it, instead of direct conclusions, I think the best way to discuss this matter is that we will talk about it first:

What exactly is the emotional value in love?

It must be clear that sharing desire and emotional value is not the same thing here.

The desire to share can be that you have a big deal that you have been responded. It is the expression of what he is, what he is doing, what he is doing, what he is doing with you every day. Can participate in my life and ensure that the two people have a connection "signal.

Emotional value should bring far more than sharing desire. It should have the ability to affect the emotions of others, not only to make the other half feel happy in the process of getting along and communicating. The most important thing is to bring more stable and comfortable living conditions to each other.

On this basis, the emotional value is the following points when you communicate and communicate:

1. When you share your life, the other party can actively respond and give each other spiritual satisfaction.

2. When you express your troubles, the other party can listen carefully, understand your emotional needs and fragility, give sincere comfort and meaningful view output.

3. When discussing some topics, TA can agree with your views and behaviors, and even different opinions can be respected and can be discussed peacefully.

4. When looking at what else happened, he can be able to understand the imperfections of others with the same degree of empathy or the same degree as the other party.

Of course, these "standards" above are ideal state. No one can really do everything in real life, so at this time I want to quote a concept that I saw before @knowyourseelf.

From a psychological perspective, emotional value = emotional benefit (positive emotional experience) ﹣ emotional cost (negative emotional experience).

To put it simply, the happiness you feel when you are with the other party will make you want to continue to go with that person.

Then let's talk about the contribution now, and the boy gave the basic emotional value, but because the girl's own negative emotional experience was caused by the work pressure, and the emotional value provided by the boys could not be deeply felt in the end, so that their emotions would make their emotions. problem appear.

Maybe they can do better. Boys can give their girlfriends more patience and empathy. After all, the strike of practical factors can not easily slow down. But girls also need to be aware of the critical point:

The process of providing emotional value should be back.

I understand that negative emotions often appear in intimate relationships. It is a proof of dependence and trust. It is a safe space that can unload the camouflage in front of my lover.

But the negative emotions that blindly output to the lover cannot be called love. After all, the emotional value affects each other. If you keep complaining to the other party every time, the other party should accept it. Including some girls, in order to provide emotional value to the other half, they paid unconditionally without considering their own feelings.

The premise of any health love relationship is to love yourself first, and then provide the so -called value to the person you love.

I have read a word before it makes sense. The relationship between adults is a value matching. Only with value matching can I trigger my favorite buttons.

So before you ask for some kind of value from the other half, you must also think about whether you can give the other party the same thing. You must always let the other party feel happy, and then people have the motivation to continue to love you.

Or a good relationship, not only love, including friendship, should be a closed loop. It can bring your own stable emotions and the ability to perceive happiness to others, and others can pass it back.

If you can do this, you don't need to compare the emotional value standards above, you can deeply realize that you have met a person worth loving.

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